Loving Interest Through the Ups and Downs
from How to Have Your Back: Simple Instructions for Loving Yourself Through the Ups and Downs of Life
The special thing about loving interest is that it’s the same practice whether you’re up or down. Regardless of the circumstances, loving interest is loving interest is loving interest. That means in the good times and the bad, choosing to show up and pay attention with calm, compassionate, and present focus. There are, however, nuances of loving interest in the good times and the bad to keep in mind.
When things are good, we want to hold on to them and make them last. This is perfectly natural and can be a healthy thing to do. Savoring does you good. Deepening a positive experience does you good. Sending the message that you deserve to feel good does you good. Grasping, clinging, manipulating? Not so much.
Think of it like this. Let’s say you’re throwing a party. The guests have entered, your mixtapes are loaded, the cupcakes are sprinkled, the sound of mingling wafts across the patio . . . and you’re marching through the lawn, camera in one hand and feather boas in the other, commanding everyone to smile like they mean it.
When you savor and appreciate the positive moments, you enhance your wellbeing and overall quality of life. Wonderful transformation can occur when you build up what’s positive and cultivate more gratitude for it. That’s a way to practice loyalty to yourself, and as we’ll talk about later in this guidebook, the way to take heartfelt action.
Grasping, clinging, rejecting, denying, controlling, or manipulating create pain. Though making good things happen might seem positive, the energy behind the making is forceful. The outcome is suffocating for you and anyone else involved. Control is usually the motivator, and if you lean in and listen, deep down beneath that, you’ll usually find fear or judgment.
Responses like this can build up pressure and anxiety, but they’re not “bad.” They just are. Fear, judgment, and even habits you want to change all deserve your loving interest. So, approach it all with love. Pay attention to what’s driving you and notice if your reaction’s bringing any unnecessary pain to the good things in life.
The opposite effect happens when things get hard. We want to get rid of the painful things; we reject them, push them away, tell them they shouldn’t be here, and fear they’ll never change. This transforms the pain in a challenging time into suffering. It’s like walking through the rain and refusing to use the umbrella in your bag because it shouldn’t be raining in June.
Again, the desire to eradicate pain from your life isn’t bad. It just is and, in fact, reflects an intuitive drive to protect yourself. Knowing what hurts and taking steps toward relief enhances your wellbeing. That’s part of having your back. Your goal here is to do so with love.
As you seek relief during life’s challenges, begin from an accepting state of mind. And don’t skip the listening part! Show up and pay attention first, without judgment or insisting that you’re anywhere other than right here. Show yourself, your circumstances, and even your pain warmth, and give yourself the same loving attention you’d give anyone else you care about.
Remember always, it’s the intention behind your actions and your response to the ups and downs of life that bring relief, enjoyment, or suffering.
Loving interest is just one part of what it means to love yourself. I share four more in How to Have Your Back: Simple Instructions for Loving Yourself Through the Ups and Downs of Life. Find out what they are and how to practice them here.
